Tuesday, June 24, 2008

losing faith

I'm losing faith in the organisation that I'm currently in, or rather, the things that have happened the past few days have affirmed my lack of faith in the organisation.

Everyone talks about the need for communication, however, someone passes on a message, and it gets cut off somewhere. Promises are made from one to the other, but doesn't get to the end where it's supposed to be met out.

There are those that are good to be there when they feel it's needed, but when they feel like they're not needed, they're playing their own cyber games, shooting arrows and firing rifles at other people. I need the support, yet all I get from every other place is negative remarks on the way you're working.

If there are so many inadequacies in the organisation, then how is it that although so heavily relied on by many many people, these many many people are still standing strong and free? Can it be that their facade of support is actually so solid that no one can see through it? Or is it that it's not a facade, but I'm the one that lacks the foresight to see how strong they really are?

Just over a year ago, I would have believed that millions of people are safe everyday as a result of the prowess of this organisation, in fact I did believe so. Yet now, no more than 400 days later, that belief, and faith that I held on quite strongly to seems to have dissipated to nothingness.

Being in the position I am, supposed to be a position of power. However I feel like I'm a pawn just doing what they require me to do, and not being able to make my own decisions. Even the decisions I make, are simple vetoed to something presumably better, yet a cause of more troubles.

Albeit all this, I'm thankful for some seniors above me that, unknowingly to them, are actually spurring me on. Thank you very much, although you all won't be reading this. I really hope to be able to have more interaction with these gentlemen, that I may learn more and gain hopefully find a stronger foothold unto which I might build my faith in the system once again.

God save the Queen!

Posted by charles at 10:25 PM