a new life yet once again

moved

2010-05-30T22:38:00.000+08:00

decided to move, so go check out reflection-intuition.tumblr.com

Vietnam - Day 3

2010-01-19T01:21:00.004+08:00

This is long overdue, but it's still fresh in my mind, what happened back in Nam.

Day 3, we were to head up north to Mui Ne. It's the resort central of Vietnam, with 80% of the country's resorts situated there. The horror of the trip, we left Ho Chi Minh at 8 in the morning, or at least that was the plan. The other part of the plan was to reach Mui Ne by 2 or 3pm. Well, seems pretty reasonable, travel for 6 or 7 hours to get there. Boy were we in for a surprise. At the 3 hour mark, we weren't even half way there. To cut the long story short. We arrived at the Canary Resort just slightly before 5pm. It was a crazy journey, and everyone was just sleeping throughout the entire journey.

We had a few stopovers. One particularly weird one was a 'milk' station. Their main product for sale was dairy products, from the cows of Vietnam. Fresh milk and yogurt, which was quite tasty, so no regrets. Really good opportunity to stop and stretch too. Another was at this shady restaurant, lots of them didn't like the food, though I personally thought it was alright. Our 3rd stop was a dragon fruit farm, quite interesting, because I never really knew where dragon fruits came from, but after you see the pictures, you'll know. Our last stop before arriving at the resort was a whale temple, really queer belief, but hey, that's their culture.

Dragon Fruit plants

Beautiful colours of dragon fruits

The almost complete skeleton of a whale that landed on the shores of Mui Ne.

The front of the Canary resort at night.

After arriving at the resort, we hit the beach after dropping off our bags, and took a swim in the ocean. Notice it's not the sea, but the ocean, because we were in the Pacific! The ocean bed was just so different. There was seemingly no end to the gradient. I walked out at least 100m from the shore, and the water level wasn't even higher than my waist line. We got out of the water, and headed back to the jacuzzi. Just relaxed and got out all the stress from the long journey. After a while, the sun started to set, B-E-A-U-tiful I tell you. Just a pity that no one had a camera on hand.

Once the sun set, we all took a shower and we decided to head for dinner. The trip to dinner was very interesting. There were 2 bikes and too many people, so we decided to do a ferry service. It was so good to be back on a bike then, both as a pillion and as a rider. Although it was a short ride, but we made the fullest of it. Dinner was good. Fresh seafood; scallops, fish, snail, and other stuff. Different cooking style from here in Singapore, but good nonetheless.

Dinner was short, but it was a good time, with everyone sitting around and just chatting. After dinner, we did another ferry service back to the resort. This time it seemed like a much shorter ride then previously. That was almost the end of the night, till someone suggested dessert. That wasn't the best of ideas, dessert was pathetic comparatively to dinner.

In the end we headed back to the room to relax, and watch a soccer match. Before the match started, I decided to go out for a little fresh air, and some star gazing. First time in my life I saw shooting stars. It wasn't a meteor shower, but on two different occasions I saw stars just across the sky. It was a pleasant surprise, and just amazing.

Well, that's the end of day 3, sadly there wasn't anything that eventful.

Vietnam - Day 2

2009-12-22T23:53:00.008+08:00

The 2nd morning, I had a rude awakening. "The first thing I see in the morning is Charles." Add to that a really satisfied smile, really turn off man. If it were a girl, I think it would be alright, but my dearest brother.

My roommate, and bed buddy.

Breakfast was provided, although it was a simple omelette with french loaf, but it was surprisingly tasty. After that we walked over to the market about 500m away, really good to see all the beautiful colours of fruit along the street. It's been a long time since I've been to a wet market, but the one there isn't very much different from Singapore. Fish, meats, vegetables all over the place, but they're very organised - all the same produce are found in the same section. There was a lot of live fish and frogs at the fish section, really cool how a pan can fit so many live fish. There's a 'hawker centre' right beside the market too, and the food there is fantabulous! There was the BBQ chicken and pork that was really really tasty, we couldn't stop eating them, and pretty cheap too.

The fruits along the way to the market.

The fish in the pan!

Really awesome BBQ meats

After breakfast, we started our 2 hour journey to the Củ Chi Tunnels. These were using during the Vietnam war by the Viet Cong as their base of operations. The entrances to the tunnels are really tiny. Even the tunnels were so small that you've got to bend over to move around, if not you've got to be on your knees. The other main highlight there is that you get to fire real weapons that were used in the war. Although all the weapons were mounted on a wall, but if you've never fired a weapon before, I guess this is one of those rare chances you'll get. Oh the most turn off thing about the place was the video that introduces the place, propaganda again man. It's actually hilarious when you watch it, but I doubt it would be very nice to laugh while watching it there. We spent about 2 hours there before heading back to HCM for a really late lunch.

Tiny entrance...really tiny

Inside the tunnel.

When we returned, we had lunch at Pho 2000, it's where Bill Clinton had pho during his official visit to Vietnam as President of The United States. I won't say the pho was fantastic, but it was still really really good. One large bowl of beef pho was good enough to appease any empty stomach. After that we went across the street to Ben Thanh Market. It's a very touristy place, lots of clothing and fabrics and souvenirs. Did I mention that EVERYTHING you get in Vietnam must be bargained,food aside though. Seriously, start lower than half the price, and you will not be disappointed. At the market I decided to tailor a few shirts, they only cost me SGD35 a piece, although the workmanship wasn't excellent, but for that price, I cant complain.

Pho at Pho2000. Really good, I need to find a good palce in Singapore that sells Pho.

After we tailored our shirts, we headed back to the guesthouse. A few of us decided to chill on the rooftop. Really nice place, on the 7th floor, with good company and some beer, really really nice. Made new friends too, like really got to know people better. After that we had dinner at a nice little Vietnamese - Italian restaurant. Food was really good, although small in portion, but hard to complain. Then the party started! Crazy Buffalo and Pink Cadillac, we visited these two places. Despite the cheap price of beer along the streets of HCM, the clubs were priced pretty much like Singapore. Frankly speaking, the crowd just wasn't good that night, so it wasn't as fun as we would have expected, at the same time the company was still good.

That was the end of Day 2, or should I say the start of Day 3.

Vietnam - Day 1

2009-12-22T00:48:00.009+08:00

I was being bugged to blog yesterday. Okie, not bugged, but asked nicely. So i shall do so. I guess i'll do a day to day thing.

We hit Ho Chi Minh (HCM) at around 830, and after waiting ridiculously long at the immigration counter (by this I mean apart from the long queue, after the immigration officer was done, he held on to my passport and looked around for at least 2 minutes), we were on our way. Culture shock on the roads I tell you. All the motorcycles and cars squeezing their way to get out of the airport, there are NO lanes at all. Reached our guest house, Hong Han Guest House by 1030, and another shock awaited me. My room number was 402, now you're thinking, that's the fourth floor right, not so bad. WRONG! The ground floor has no rooms, and the next floor up has one room, and it's number is 002. So, simple mathematics will tell you that 402 was on the 6th floor!! 2 nights I had to climb up there, madness I tell you. I live on the 6th floor back home, and I hardly ever take the stairs, what more with a 10kg back pack.

This is the place we stayed at. It's 238 Bui Vien, and I really recommend it if you're there.

After checking in, we gathered downstairs to head for lunch. We had Pho, pronounced 'Fur' for all who've not been there before. It was really good by the way, and they had free wifi, so that was my first facebook update in HCM. After lunch we headed to the war remnants museum, basically saw lots of relics and pictures from the Vietnam War. Let me tell you, all propaganda! Fair enough to say that no country will tell the other side of the story. It's worth going though, but only once over the many times you visit HCM. After this, we headed to the Reunification Palace. It was the pit stop of one of the legs of the most recent season of The Amazing Race (not that you really needed to know that). Shows you where the President of the past regime would carry out his daily duties, including a bomb shelter and the First Lady's work room. Nice place to visit and take pictures, that's about it.

With my brothers in front of the Reunification Palace.

From there, we walked about 2km to Notre Dame. This was built back when Vietnam was a French Colony. It's an almost exact replica of the one in Paris, so if you can't afford to fly to Europe to see the real thing, HCM will do. Just beside the cathedral was the City Post Office, which has been around for a really long time. Didn't spend too much time at both places, because the next stop was shopping! We headed to the place called Saigon Square 2, which is a 2 storey shopping mall. Super cramped inside, very limited walking area. I didn't get much from there, everything was just replicas of Tommy Hilfiger shirts, or Adidas jerseys, nothing really worth buying. Within an hour, we were all done and outside waiting for dinner to happen.

The Notre Dame Cathedral. Picture courtesy of wikipedia. (didn't manage to get a good shot of the place)

Dinner was at this really nice Indian restaurant. Vietnam for Indian food, awesome eh. The Naan and masala was really really good, but it was a tad expensive for a food place in vietnam. After that we took a walk all the way to city hall, a really long walk. Reaching there, we were greeted by raved Vietnamese celebrating a win over Cambodia at the Laos SEA Games. They were driving around the square honking and waving their flags and making a lot of noise. We made our way across the square to another shopping mall, but this time for coffee. Highland's coffee is the place. Really nice ambiance, being on the roof top and all. We didn't have coffee though. We had beer. No better way to chill out, but with beer and good company with an excellent setting.

The Indian Restaurant with the rest of the tour group. Picture courtesy of Clarence (trip photo buddy)

City Hall. The bikes with the red blotch are the Vietnamese celebrating their win. Picture courtesy of Clarence (trip photo buddy)

There after, we headed back to the hotel to rest. Really long day that was, everyone was tired, and most people turned in after.

model or model?

2009-09-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

What does it take to be a model these days? It is seemingly increasing that beauty is the most important factor that makes a model. I don't deny that as a fact. However, is everything in life all about the outer beauty of a person? What about the inner beauty of man? Or the literary beauty of the mind?

Check out the video, and you'll understand why I'm touching on this today.

I find it appalling that a model can have such a weak command of the English language, after being in this harsh education system for at least 12 years. Yes, many of us hail from Chinese educated families, or rather, families that generally speak Chinese dialects at home. However that doesn't give us the excuse to not produce people who can at least speak better, to represent the country, at such a prestigious event. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not the best speaker or writer in the world, however, I'm not here to represent my country in an even that is broadcast for the entire world to see.

That's not the only thing, how about this website? No doubt they're all out to make money, but seriously, "bored in bikinis"?! Do Singaporeans lack creativity to that extent? Some of them are models, appearing on national television, and getting into bitch fights with one another. The drama has really become a trauma for many others. Is being a model just about flaunting assets, if any for some, to woo a crowd? Shouldn't a model be a model for others to follow? A role model for everyone to watch and learn?

I'm not here to say that every single model is an airhead. If you're a model and choose to believe that's my true intentions of this entry, I think you've just proved a point. There are models out there that have bachelors or masters degrees, however what's the point if they are merely degree holders, and not graduates? I find it very sad that many of this is so obviously evident for all to see, yet everyone still patronises them, as if the way they behave is they way to go.

People who are taking part in beauty pageants are generally below the age of 23. Which I guess is far, if outer beauty is all the competition is looking for. However, have they seen enough of the world to be able to be a representative? I know I haven't seen enough of the world, but no one expects a 23 year old to have seen ALL the world. How many of them are actually well-read enough to be able to see the world, without having been all over the world? Yes looks are very important, however, is the brain the most beautiful organ that sets us humans apart from the other organisms that roam this earth? Without the brilliant and beautiful minds of the world, will they be able to stand there and tell the world about 'World Peace'?

No one is perfect, however to educate the people that will follow in our steps, we need to be the model, even if our profession is to model. It isn't the most difficult job on earth, to just pose and have your pictures taken, but it's a lot harder to pose, and let the mind capture the true essence of what's there. The media is so widespread today that even a young child of 7years old has access to every corner of the world, with a mere click of a button. It's not possible to stop every model from polluting the child's mind with rubbish that's not beneficial for growth. However as models, I believe that they can set the standard and be role models for the young, and old alike, to learn and do what's right.

If I had to pick a girl from two, a hot ditsy girl, or a intellectual plain Jane? There's really no guessing on that.

Love for a child

2009-08-28T16:57:00.002+08:00

There's a picture on my kitchen wall
Looks like Jesus and his friends involved
There's a party getting started in the yard
There's a couple getting steamy in the car parked in the drive
Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

By the pool last night, apparently
The chemicals weren't mixed properly
You hit your head and then forgot your name
And then you woke up at the bottom by the drain
And now your altitude and memory's a shame

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I like to believe it was all about love for a child

And when the house was left in shambles
Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass
Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around
Well I'm far too old to care about that now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child

It's kinda nice to work the floor since the divorce
I've been enjoying both my Christmases and my birthday cakes
And taking drugs and making love at far too young an age
And they never check to see my grades
What a fool I'd be to start complaining now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I'd love to believe it's all about love for a child

It was all about love...

I was listening to the lyrics, and this is one of those things that I sympathise with, how sad is it that a lot of this is really true. This is where my heart lies, to help people with these issues.
To you out there who reads this, there are people out there that care.

Singapore

2009-08-15T18:13:00.003+08:00

What does it mean to be Singaporean? Having a pink identification in your wallet/purse? Owning the red colour covered passport? Singing Majulah Singapura everyday in school?

Over the years, the definition of being Singapore has changed from the legal requirements to other less favourable etiquette.

When was the last time you went to a FnB outlet in the Central Business District, and didn't find a packet of tissue paper at the corner of the table? The concept behind it is simply to show that this seat is taken, by a tissue packet no less. Outrageous as it may seem, but it is a rampant practice.

How about when you're out shopping or having dinner at a nice restaurant, and you here a raised voice, "I'm a paying customer!" and a long list of reasons comes out from the mouth on how he/she should be treated.

Remember those days in primary school, going through Civics and Moral Education or 好公民? We were taught to give up our seats to the needy, to give way where necessary, but the way I look at it, it's this generation of youngsters that are not all doing the right thing? Must we really be a typical Singaporean, and be afraid to lose out? There doesn't seem to be much that we stand to gain by being afraid to lose out.

We need to change the mindsets of the younger generation. It's really not just about the giving up of seats, giving way where necessary. There needs to be change to not make the Singaporean an ugly citizen of the world. All this is definitely easier said then done. Everyone needs to play their part I guess. I am merely stating my views, and doing my best to not do any of this. I have to admit, that I am a culprit in some cases too. We're all human, but being human is definitely no excuse. Overtime change can and will take place.

captivity

2009-07-29T00:57:00.005+08:00

joseph shared this video on fb tonight, and it got me wondering about the recent article in the papers about animal activist against Resorts World Sentosa from keeping a whale shark in their supposed aquarium, that might prove to be the biggest in the world. subsequently the overall debate on whether animals should be held in captivity for the 'entertainment' of people.

i understand the concerns of the activists, not too long ago 2 whale sharks died within 5 months of each other at the georgia aquarium. it's really sad to see such magnificent creatures die because they are in captivity. i feel that it could be worse not having had a chance to see how magnificent they are. i dont think God ever planned for animals to be captured and displayed, as they are in zoos and aquariams all across the world. however He never said that we cant do so either.

is it really cruel to keep them in captivity? yes, no freedom to move around and the ecosystems out there are not balanced once one particular organism is removed from the picture. will it not be easier to study these creatures and find ways to prolong their lives when they're in captivity? no doubt in their natural environment is where they thrive, which would be the best place to study them, but some day, the world's natural habitiats will be destroyed, and the only living specimens will be found in captivity, what then?

how about food? sharks' fin for example. what's wrong with consuming sharks' fin soup? God gave us the birds of the sky, and the fish of the sea, and the animals that walked on land for food. no doubt He didnt say that after we cut off the fins, we throw the body back into the sea, that part i disagree with. and i want to state this first, before i carry on, i'm not some christian extremist that quotes everything from the bible to prove a point. if the said animal is available for consumption, why not? why is it wrong to eat dogs? just because they have been domesticated, and we share a bond between human and dog?

after watching the video, i'm not swayed to think that it's a great idea to have an aquarium and keep a whale shark. in fact, i'm just in awe of the wonders of God's creation, and how sometimes, there are people that are opposed to the things in life that we create, but yet, will never come close to experiencing it anywhere else.

Child Prodigy

2009-06-25T13:58:00.002+08:00

I've never had chills watching anyone play anything before, but this is outrageously amazing.

You can check her out http://www.umipiano.com/index.html

Seriously amazing

2009-05-13T17:19:00.002+08:00

been thinking about things, and maybe i don't want to try anymore. or maybe, just because i don't know what you want, and don't really wanna sit around and wait to find out.

Male Chauvinist

2009-05-01T00:39:00.002+08:00

Hmmm, Carene asked me today if I'm a male chauvinist. I was really taken aback! Never did think myself as one.

Pulled out the following definition from dictionary.com - a male who patronizes, disparages, or otherwise denigrates females in the belief that they are inferior to males and thus deserving of less than equal treatment or benefit.

I definitely do not see the female sex as less deserving of equal treatment. In some aspects some females are less inferior, for example in a physical sense, or when it comes to handy work. However I believe there are things that they can definitely do better than me.

In fact if you ask me, I will sometimes look down on males who I feel are inferior to me. The truth hurts, but that's just me. I really am trying to change that though, to accept the fact that everyone is born with different abilities.

Back to the fairer sex, I do believe that because of some physical disparity between the two genders, females should be accorded better treatment. For example, if it's late at night, let, or make if you must, a guy send or walk you home, don't feel bad or reject the gesture. As they say, "it's for your own good." We, or at least I, believe that you as a girl/female can very well defend yourself when needed, but sometimes it's just difficult against another male figure, who might be twice your size.

Well, if someone really thinks I'm chauvinistic, let me know. It's good to know this kind of things, at least can try to change.

melbourne

2009-04-28T09:37:00.002+08:00

Finally decided to pen down words on Melbourne.

Plans had actually been in the books for over a month since early March, but week after week I was let down, till a point where I decided that I wouldn't be going anymore. From there I started to make plans for other things to do over that period. A few days before my leave was to start, prices for a return ticket plummeted to a low of $400, at this point, it was just, "let's go la." 2 days later, I was there at the airport, not for work, but on my way to Melbourne.

Right now, it's supposed to be Autumn in Melbourne, and boy was the weather so nice there. It's the biggest thing that is calling me back to Melbourne now. We rented a car there, and with the help of our friendly GPS, found our way to a hotel cum service apartment building. Went to a particular room, and dished out a rude awakening to the occupants, that was to be our abode for the next week.

I feel like I'm telling a story here. Anyway, the few places I went to was the Dandenong Ranges and Phillip Island. The rest of the time was mostly spent in the city with friends.

Sky High on Dandenong was the coldest place, coz we were quite high up, and it was really really windy and cold. The view compensated it all though. Overlooking the western part of Melbourne, I think, which was definitely like looking over the whole of Singapore and more. The journey there from 'home' was about a 45km drive, which took about 1.5hrs. From the top, you could see Melbourne Central, and 'home' was about 10km the other side of the city, so it was really like looking across Singapore. Look at how small we are.

Phillip Island was the most adrenaline pumping one, go-kart racing was awesome. Freaking cold though, going at almost 60kmh with your hands exposed to the cold. You can probably do that in Singapore too, but the experience should be very very different, climate and track.

The rest of the time was just hanging out with friends, like dinner and clubbing and drinking and visiting the casino. Activities at night are almost at a complete zero, so if not at any of the above you can really just go home and sleep man. Super boring. Seems to be the downside of the Australian nation, at least when I was there. Shan't mention the weather in summer or the water supplies and stuff like that that didn't really affect me.

Oh, I rented a car yeah, and I swear the driving there is wonderful! EVERYONE gives way, well almost everyone at least. Few people speed, and when you need to change lane, someone will definitely give way to you, sooner rather than later. Petrol is also cheaper there, and cars are a lot bigger there too.

Did I mention that drinking is so much cheaper there too! A bottle of wine cost like 3.99AUD at the cheapest. Probably taste like crap, but still cheap! Portions of food there, for whatever price, are large. Cheap drinks and lots of food, I could live there man.

I wanna go back. When I returned home, after stepping off the plane onto the aerobridge, I really wanted to get back on the plane and fly back there. It's the weather, it's the culture, so different. I may be going back again at the end of June, but still contemplating it. Have to decide soon though.

Oh and not forgetting to metion the number of people I didn't meet up with when I was there. For those that didn't know, please don't skin me alive if I go back.

randomness.....

2009-04-27T13:31:00.002+08:00

Am I dissatisfied with life? I believe I'll complain about everything and everyone, wherever I go. I know I look at everything in a negative light, but I always try to pour some goodness in it. Is it just me, or is it just human nature?

I told Abby that I've only ever seen 'perfect' once, and I still believe that for now. Could I be merely looking for a substitute, or a replacement? Why am I really constantly looking, what's there to gain with each new discovery?

I've recently acquired a couple of new bottles to add to a growing collection, but I really wonder when I'll get to try those. Drinking alone at home seems like a very loser thing to do, and I must say, I don't do it often.

The numbers 4444 opened on Saturday as first prize. It actually did cross my mind to buy such a random number on a random day, just for fun. I feel stupid for not trying now.

My nephew turns 1 on Wednesday, and I really wonder what he will turn out to be. As yet, being an infant, crying or whining gets you almost anything you want. I wonder if they have Uncle 101 anywhere for me to take a look.

I don't want to help anymore. If there's a need, buy a new computer. I'm not the whiz, and I really can't be bothered to help anymore!

Crisis Credit

2009-04-13T09:25:00.002+08:00

Before I leave, my friend shared this with me, and I thought it best to pass it on. So to you out there who doesnt understand why we're in a 'recession', or if we really are in a recession, take a look at this video, and I really hope you catch balls here.

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

australia

2009-04-12T22:38:00.001+08:00

dear all,

to save the trouble of telling everyone, i will be heading to melbourne tomorrow night. and will be back next wednesday. take care here in singapore! ciao

2009-03-23T00:14:00.003+08:00

In a few days time, I would have completed 22 full orbits of the sun. I've never really fully reflected on my life in an entirety, so I actually decided that I should today. This might be a long one, but it's really for my own reference in time to come.

Starting from the years back before and till the point I left Primary School. I never achieved much then, let's see:
1) I made Head-Prefect in Primary 6 - I did lose my Prefect badge when I was in Primary 5, for playing a stupid prank on a friend, but got it back when my father went to the school.
2) I received Christ when I was 8
3) I started serving in church when I was 10
4) I used to pray for toys
5) I got my first stitch in my face at 11 - 20 stitches in total
6) I got punched for the first and only time when I was 12
7) I had my first and only operation to remove my appendix when I was 12
8) I got 240 for my PSLE

Then we move on to the teenage years of Secondary School:
1) I retained in Secondary 3, my L1R5 at the end of that year was 48
2) I made student council exco member in that year too
3) In that same year, I was the only exco member to not have gone for obs
4) I got 14 for L1R5 for O Levels
5) I got my first job at 15 doing sales at Takashimaya

In the post-Secondary years:
1) I had 3 CCAs in school - Shooting (Vice-Chair); Track and Field (Shot-put); Health and Fitness Club
2) I flunked my A levels, C D E B4, or barely passed if you must
3) I was class chair for both years
4) I started drinking more regularly
5) I went to a club for the first time

In my army days:
1) Probably most hated platoon mate in BMT
2) Platoon best in SISPEC
3) Commissioned as an Officer of the Singapore Armed Forces
4) Platoon Commander of Pasir Ris Node / MTO to 1st CDO Bn
5) Defending Officer for numerous cases at SAF Courts
6) I went to the subordinate courts for the first time in my life - and never stopped going even till I was clearing my leave

Post Army days:
1) Working as a service provider
2) Lazy - took me 3 weeks, after registration, to go down to submit my transcripts to SIM
3) Hardly exercise anymore

Looking back at all the things where I should have made my life matter, none of it seems to have made much of a difference. Part of my laziness has caused me to leave out other stuff that I've done wrong. I have also deliberately left out church till this point.

Where am I going with God?
I told a friend this once, "I only believe enough." As I expected, "that's the scary part of it all, you just believing enough." I can't believe more than I do today, there is nothing more to believe in. I've tried over the years to believe in more than I did, but I've lost that flame, if there was ever one. I want help, I know I do, but I also know that it's not just about the talk, it's more than the talk that matters. I've cried out for help before, maybe in a very subtle manner, but I did ask, yet no one responded, no one that could help responded. I suppose it's too late now, or rather, that's my decision, that it's too late now.

I look at my decade old friends that are getting together, how they have God in the center of their lives. To me, I suppose that's possible, but I don't think I'll ever come to that now, or in the near future, maybe after I'm married or something. Maybe it's a generational curse of some sort, but who cares? I am not the ideal Christian guy that many girls want, I only just believe enough. To my decade old friends, I am still behind you all the way, if only you would make those words mean more than just words.

Now, I look back at one similarity that has occurred over the last 22years, I have been constantly making friends. From my first friend in Nursery School, whom I have obviously forgotten, to the newest friend that I've just made a few days a go, I am still making friends. The question that one could ask will be, are they really friends, or just merely acquaintances?

I've lost many friends over the years, and some of them I thought I had found back, and some of them I did, and some of them have stuck to me for the last 6 years. To how I lost those friends over the years, it's the usual, lack of communication, different beliefs, different interests, some through the unusual means of death. Having lost so many friends, I ask myself why? Did I not make those friendships count? I don't think that I entirely did, if not would I have lost them?

Character plays an important role in a friendship, and I must admit, I've got a pretty screwed up character. Being hot and cold at random times of the day, I've caused many to leave me. Pride and prejudice has caused many to turn a blind eye to me. Being busy has caused many to think that I've neglected them. It's never ending the character flaws that I possess.

I can't turn back time and change the way things were, though sometimes I wish I could. After typing all this, I don't know what I stand to gain, just a reflection on life I suppose. Initially, I wanted to change from a lot of this, but I realised that I can't change a lot of it, because a lot of it is me, and who I was made to be. The things that I've been doing in recent months can change though, how I lead my life and what I plan to do with my future. These are things that I must carry out properly. A task that only I can carry out.

Disappointments...

2009-03-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

the last few weeks have been plagued with many disappointments.

a trip to europe, canceled.
a trip to hong kong, canceled.
a trip to australia, still unsure.

okie, i know that these are very minor setbacks, but twice was bad enough, the third time, i wouldn't know man.

and australia, the first time we almost decided, you flew off, the second time we almost decided, you flew off too! however, there's more to it then just not having anything decided. there's more that i want than to just go for a holiday. i just hope what i want is not for nothing.

pick me

2009-02-16T14:23:00.001+08:00

this is sick man!

family

2009-01-28T12:40:00.002+08:00

it's amazing how after 5 years, i can go to a house, see my friends' parents and feel like i'm part of the family. it's amazing how after 5 years, we're still carrying on with one another, doing the things that we enjoy together.

it's amazing how after 4 years, we're still doing what we do best, being together as a family. how we enjoy meals together, and spend time talking and being merry in front of hot burning coals of a barbeque pit. we're not who we started out, a small group of believers seeking God. we're now a big group of believers living the purpose that God has set for us, to fellowship in his presence. we're family.

it's amazing how after 6 years, we still meet up frequently and do the craziest of things. we've grown in numbers over the years, but it doesnt matter, we still stick together when we need to, as brothers. nothing can break that bond that we share, even the number of girls we go through, or the number of drinks we share. we fight and be mad for seconds, and we laugh it off soon after.

it's been 10 years, and i've never imagined myself being part of your lives again. constant dinners and celebrations, doing stupid things at 2 in the morning. a new season is beginning, and i see it going a long way.

where will we all be 10 years down the road, when we're all married with our own children? i see us sitting around the table, discussing how everything has gone on for the last year, catching up on the things in life, talking about our children.

these are the people that make up my life, all from different walks of life, different stages in life too. being part of the different families bring joy to my life. i really couldnt ask for more. i thank you all for the good times and the bad times, where we've grown together in different aspects. there is more to come, and every year as we grow closer, there will be more that we share together.

life will be meaningless without the people that we can call family. thanks.

2009-01-19T21:54:00.002+08:00

I decided to do this out of sheer boredom, and boy, some of the results don't make sense at all.

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Michael Bublé - Lean On Me

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
John Powell - Thinking Of Marie (anyone has a marie to introduce to me.lol)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Relient K - Wake Up Call (not really man)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Rod Steward - Blue Skies

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Ne-Yo - Mad

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Liang Jing Ru - Yong Qi (courage for those that cant read han yu/chinese, and that's what my name stands for biblically)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Tom Petty - Home

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dave Koz - Conquered (the fear of being conquered?)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Deep Blue - The Helicopter Tune

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Rasmus - Swimming With The Kids

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Michael W. Smith - You're Alright (wah, i must be a really bad lover)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Killers - Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Howard Shore - Strider

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Counting Crows - Accidentally In Love (hmmm, do i ever wanna be accidentally in love, might make a good story at gatherings)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Building 429 - All You Ask Of Me (Unplugged)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Skillet - Hey You, I Love Your Soul

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Delirious - Lord You Have My Heart (I really hope so)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Alicia Keys - No One

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Brandy (especially the XO [extra old], always good to have as company, and the finish is mostly long lasting, and pleasant)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - She's Only 18 (haha, this would be true when i'm past 23 or so. anymore older and i think it's wrong)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Pearl Jam - Money [That's What I Want] (Whoa, that's really bad, should i shun money from now? haha)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Ray Charles - Touch (ft. John Legend)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Lloyd - Players Prayer

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Muse - Assassin

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Kutless - Beyond The Surface

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Michael W. Smith - Cry Of The Heart (yeah man, does anyone like me!!!??) lol

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Smashing Pumpkins - An Ode To No One

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Backstreet Boys - Nowhere To Go

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
5566 - Yi Guang Nian

home

2008-12-26T14:59:00.003+08:00

i'm home! okie. for those that didn't know, i went to hong kong for a holiday, and a wedding.

the weather there was great, with it being winter. although the real wasted thing about the trip is the weather too! because of the weather, they don't sell summer clothes! i tell you, the shopping there is great! 5shirts, 9 tees, 1 track pants and a pair of shoes, and of course a hell lot of money spent.

sightseeing huh? well, didn't hit disneyland or ocean park if that's considered sightseeing. i did however go up to the peak, and that was nice. i went up by tram, and lemme tell you, it goes as steep as 45° someway along the track. the view at the top was great though, you get to see the whole of the hong kong bay area. the pictures should give you a better idea, albeit a little small.

i visited macau too, and boy was that fun. lol seriously, i don't understand how so many people can sit there and play slots, baccarat, etc. for so many hours on end. i do like to play cards and mahjong and stuff, but what i don't get, is how do you actually win money? i put a hkd20 bill inside a slot machine, and it took about 10 clicks before i lost that much amount. oh well, to each his own. i also climbed up to the old fort, and the journey up there was crowded man. i guess macau wasn't that bad after all.

the main reason for heading to hong kong was to attend a cousin's (twice over) wedding. held on christmas eve at the marco polo hotel. very different from a singaporean wedding. but the food was great, much better than a singaporean wedding. the only similarity was that, we didn't start on time. this however could have been attributed to the fact that it was christmas eve, and many streets were closed to vehicles, so getting around might have been a little bit more difficult. however, i must add, that was probably the best night there.

after the wedding, owing to the fact that it was christmas eve, there was supposed to be fireworks at the bay area. so it was decided that since my hotel room had a good view of the bay area, i would head back to the hotel to see the fireworks. well, i was disappointed, when i went up to the sky garden on the 40th floor, the area where there were fire works was blocked by a 70ish storey high, still under-construction, hotel. bummer i guess. i did however meet one of my cca members. fancy seeing her there.

speaking of which, i took the same flight home as cheryl lim, and we never saw each other! albeit, changi airport and hong kong international airport are huge, but the boarding gates and baggage belts aren't! we were 'together' for like a good 5 hours at least, but we never ran into each other.

that wraps up the trip. i'm looking forward to another one. haha

2008-11-28T00:05:00.003+08:00

i guess the previous post was done out of extreme anger. i've chilled, so i've deleted it.

the following post is for you, although i know you'll never read it.

i was angry. i felt really cheated. i had my suspicions to why you had said what you did. and boy was i right about them. why does it have to involve him all the time? from day 1 i just didnt like the relationship that you had with him. the way he talks to you, i could just tell. and now, he broke up for vanessa, and for what, you?

don't you think it's not fair? i mean, how long have they been together, and now what, just days/hours after he broke up with her, he's after you? wait, did he break up with her because of you? that would be preposterous, outrageous, and everything along that line.

i'll just wait. we'll talk once your exams are over. i've got no answers to what's happening, but i just think he's not being fair to you, or to vanessa. sadly, he's still very immature despite his age, ever since the first day i met him, till now, that thought still has not changed...

ord

2008-11-13T22:36:00.002+08:00

ord. finally. i definitely missed my pink ic. it was the first time i've seen ord in hub to be such a fun filled occasion. normally those that ord come in and just go. the few of us, made a lot of noise and had a lot of fun. we were all people in power, appointments that made decisions.

it was a good 22months. it will be an even better time after.

fatherhood

2008-10-29T20:50:00.002+08:00

*warning* there might be explicit contents in the following thread. read with caution. please pardon me

as taken from dictionary.com, the definition of fatherhood

1.the state of being a father.
2.fathers collectively.
3.the qualities or spirit of a father.

in this case, it's got nothing to do with the second definition. but i believe that the first and last go hand in hand, in the state of being a father, you need to have some qualities of a father. i know i cant speak much for these here, owing to the fact that i didn't live with a physical father figure for about half my life now. yet here i am, in need to talk about it, you could say i am complaining, but the things i'm gonna talk about are not things i want to become, and i hope to see that my brothers out there don't end up like this.

first and foremost, if you're not ready to be a father, but have serious desires to have sex and fornicate, use a bloody comdom! if you can't afford to buy a condom, then just don't do it. when i say not ready to be a father, i mean financially at least, because i'm quite sure that no one can be really ready, otherwise, to be a father.

know your responsibilities as a father, and a husband. being a father means you've got kids, they are your responsibility. so it means you can't just walk out on them just like that! it's not just about your selfish desires that should spur your decision making. running away doesn't solve anything, especially the fact that your children already exist!

that includes being busy with work. yes, no doubt that to be able to provide for your family, you need to work hard to put food on the table and what not, but please think of the consequences of your absence as well. work is not 7 days a week, it's only 5. so if you find that you need to work 14 hours a day from monday to friday, keep your weekends for your kids. tiring as it maybe, if you can manage 14-hours days, i'm sure you can manage a couple of hours a day for your family.

don't expect your parents/relatives to look after your children for you. i don't understand how anyone can live without seeing their own children for so long! i know a guy, for the last 3weeks, has not seen his children, and that totally doesn't make sense to me. yes, he may be young, but definitely old enough to have children. i guess just not mature enough.

your actions and decisions will affect the way your family carries on in their life, whether you see it or not. like deciding what to eat, how that would affect your health, and the length of your life, or even what you do as your past time, how much time it would take up, affecting how much time you have with your family. legally or morally, all decisions are important, so i implore you, make the right ones. don't let your wife and kids suffer, or worse still, if your parents have to suffer as a result of all the suffering from the former.

if you've got anger management issues, go seek help, don't take it out on your wife. she's gone through enough to have to bare your children, don't give her more pain by beating her up.

actually, this post was meant to slam someone really badly, albeit he'd never read it. however i decided that he still has some dignity as a man. i know i'm in no position to say any of this, because i've not been there to know how difficult it is, so pardon me if i am being to harsh in some aspects. however i have been at the losing end of what's stated above,well, most of it at least, and i believe there are many other's out there that have been through the same, or are going through some of the above, and i sympathise with them. i just pray that fathers will be able to be who they were made to be. we're all humans, but there's a limit to how many mistakes we can make.

all this said, i know that there is a Father that i can count on at all times in my life. no matter how bad the situation is for me, i know that He is always there, providing a source of comfort for everything, as long as we seek His loving arms. although everything that's stated above, He doesn't have to go through, but i believe He feels the pain involved in each and every of those situations, but He bares them all for our sake. take point from Him, and we who are going to be fathers in our lifetime will be able to do a better job.

the last two weeks

2008-10-17T23:37:00.002+08:00

i've decided to blog again, after eons. anyway, i know to some of you this skin looks oddly not me, but hey, i'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side. haha but seriously, i think it's quite neat.

here's about the last two weeks.

been back to camp a few times, but just to check out how things are running. i cant seem to let go, for the fact that if i do, someone will be dying really really badly, and he already is. i don't know who can help me, so i try to go in and lessen the load if possible.

did my root canal treatment, and i must say, the tooth aint hurting no more. damned tooth is dead, and it wasn't my fault. some bacteria got into the nerve area and that's all. apparently it has been there for a really long time, and amazingly only started hurting now. it's gone anyhow, and the tooth has been saved. save for the need to place a crown, which is currently in the lab.

the last week has been the best week of my life, since a long time. i've never been happier, and i've never laughed so much. i don't think the laughter can carry on for months and months to come, but i do pray that the joy stay throughout, for better or for worse.

birthday after birthday, week after week. there has been a super influx of people turning 21, and some past the golden age, but it's really been great to have the time to spend with my friends. freedom never tasted so sweet.

oh, and i got my 26" tv for my room. awesome when watching movies from my computer. the list of things to buy goes on and on though, some needs, mostly wants. will it ever end.

about the ord. it's final, i will be operationally ready on the 12 day of the month of november in the year 2008. after which, i've got a job waiting for me. awesome stuff.

ORD.

2008-09-26T18:23:00.002+08:00

I have decided to ORD in November. To why the decision, is really for me to know, so yeah, I'm sure there are some of you that would really want to find out, but it's quite private. I only ask that you're supportive of my decision.

new room, different kind of weekend

2008-09-21T23:03:00.002+08:00

as some of you might know, i just shifted into a new room. well, rather i took over my sister's old room. she moved out when she got married 2 years back. has been rented out till a couple of months back. now. it's mine! well, plans were to renovate the hall to make it bigger. so it will come to pass soon.

i spent friday night at my friend's place for post mooncake celebrations. man was that fun! bunch of friends that i've not really been spending time with for a while. well, going to ord soon, so can go back to spending more time with them. but then amongst them, so many new things evolving. quite interesting to see those, but yet wonder how differently they would have evolved if i were present most of the time.

well, now, 22" or 26", both at the same cost. thinking of a new addition to my room to replace my dying 17" monitor. the 26" is very tempting, but will only be possible if i get it by this week, but how to part with that kinda money!

2008-09-04T17:36:00.002+08:00

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Is it then possible to say that I do not love my wife anymore, but we're still married as I am doing it out of duty, responsibility. I was having dinner with one of my specialists the yesterday, and this was what he said. I wasn't shocked by the statement, but I just felt sad for him.

The right to marry someone is a God-given right, and marriage is viewed by many as ordained by God. Religion aside, should it not be sacred to everyone? The following sentence is heard time and time again, spoken in many languages, at almost every wedding. "I take you - to have, and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part."

Who then really keeps to this pledge? I've seen enough couples to know that yes, there are those that do keep this, but how often is that pledge broken, and to who shall the fault to upon? Does it differ from each marriage, where by the husband had an affair and the wife calls for a divorce? Will not the pledge be broken? Who then are the couple accountable to? Still to each other, or to God, or to the state that "pronounces you husband and wife!"

"Girl ah, if we were to file for a divorce, how will you feel and who would you follow?" "I will feel sad loh. If papa is in the wrong, I will hate him and not talk to him. If mummy is in the wrong, I will hate her and not talk to her."

Who then is the victim in all this? The girl, or her parents? Then after the divorce, will come the custody battle. Who really has the right to look after the child, when neither of them are capable of keeping a lifelong commitment to each other.

"Do you believe in living together?" "As a father would you allow your daughter to live with her boyfriend, even if she were marriageable age?" I said no, but I realised that I didn't know why I would say no. I realised that I didn't really think it was wrong to do so, except by God's standards. I know I wouldn't do it. At that dinner when we were having the conversation on marriage, I was thinking, since after getting married you see a different side of someone else, like how lazy or messy or sloppy the other can be, then why not live together for a period? If you find that you cannot stand the other person's living habits, then would it not be better to not choose the path of marriage?

As I typed the above paragraph, I just came to realise that if that were to happen, then I would be going against ALL that the pledge of marriage is all about. Marriage is about accepting each other, including ALL the flaws. As a dating couple, you all will be able to see many kinds of flaws. However those are flaws that you see when you're out together, and when you're having dinner with family and friends. However these flaws will be minimised, as in times of dating, the best of each other will be brought forward. I want to show you that I love you, so you'll really see the best side of me, so that you will be able to love me back.

Isn't this all wrong? Again I say, what about accepting each other? I do believe this doesnt just apply for marriage. However as a dating couple, if you find you can't accept one and another, many will find that the easiest way out will be to break off, and find someone else who is more suitable. If that's the case, I believe that no one will really be getting married anymore.

If you ask me how I feel about the divorce that happened a decade ago, I will tell you now that it doesn't bother me. The best parts of my life were lived without a father on earth, but I turned out just fine. However it doesn't mean that everyone can live without a father. I too have my flaws that are brought about because of the lack of a father, however there have been many father figures in my life that have made a difference. Would everyone who is going to lose a parent turn out to be a fine young man or a fine young lady? I guess no one knows for sure, but I can only hope that even if their parents seperate, when the time comes for them to get married, that the right decisions are made, and it will be handled maturely.

All in all, I still believe in holy matrimony, as we were created by God to love and be loved. For me, I am still too young to be ready for marriage. I am still too young to know what I want from my other half. I do know that no one can live alone, and now, I have the one true love that trumps all. As much as my world is filled with pretty and beautiful individuals, God will provide His one for me eventually.

Till death do us part.

2008-08-25T17:51:00.004+08:00

this blog is dead. or rather, i've got nothing much to say now.

just want to thank a few people for the wonderful times i've had these last few weeks.

something's missing in life now. person or object, i hope i find it soon.

anyway, you, 5 years and 9 days, let's keep it going longer.

dear bff

2008-08-09T21:19:00.003+08:00

i know you've not been feeling very well the last few weeks. as each day passes, i pray you're feeling better.

i know it's not much, but the first song is for you. let it be a prayer from your heart.

i'm on leave

2008-08-04T12:12:00.002+08:00

i'm so happy to be on leave today. such a great welcome to many many weeks of hardship. although i still have to go back to work tomorrow, one day is better than none. i don't crave days whereby i can sit around and do nothing for the entire day, coz i need to move around and do something. but neither do i want days where by i'm working like a dog. a nice balance would be good. then again, i believe the balance can only be created by myself. time of molding i guess.

2008-08-04T01:17:00.004+08:00

everytime i come here, i start typing something, then i stop and delete it all. everything i want to say never really makes sense. the past few things i wanted to talk about:

1) crappy kickapoo, i really don't know how to deal with him. i mean i could really scold him for all the disrespect he's showing me, but i'm still giving him face, no idea why really.

2) beautiful people all around me. the last few weeks i've been noticing that people around me are really pretty. more so megalifers.

3) life in general. how short it is. how much of an impact people can make, before they live, while they're living, and after they've lived.

4) confidence is the key to many things. i feel sorry for people who lack confidence in themselves. i want to be able to help these people, but they've got to want to help themselves. maybe it's not for me to help them, maybe it's just self discovery. ultimately, it's Godly confidence that they need, but how about the pre-believers?

that's the list of entires that i've been trying to post, but have always failed to do so.

2008-07-21T22:46:00.004+08:00

I'm actually not sad/angry that I ended late today. Yeah, no doubt I ended at 945pm yet again, but today, I feel a sense of pride in the work that I've done.

I didn't know that accident analysis can be so fun. I mean, just to be able to do what the older men can do with a lot lesser 'courses' then them, gives me a sense of achievement. At the end of the day, it's comes down to simple physics. The pride doesn't come from doing as much as them, but it comes from being able to do it well, and enjoying what I was doing. I don't hope to have to be doing this all the time, it would just mean a lot of things going wrong all the time, but if and when I have to do it, I think it would be quite fun. This case would be more unique then others, because of how and where it happened.

Well, all this said and done, today was still quite pissing in the morning. Damned 'kickapoo' told everyone not to take off/leave last week and this because of inspection, then friday he takes off. Then today he throws MC, like what the hell man. He still can complain that my men are throwing MC to 'siam' a lot of things. What an ass! I'm going to slam him some day, just you all wait and see. Old he may be, but really useless man. Imagine if he were in Nava's place today, presenting my report. Sure die one la.

The Square Root of Three

2008-07-18T23:19:00.002+08:00

I just finished watching Harold and Kumar. Lame show, I know, but wasn't that bad after all. Go this poem from the movie, thought I'd share it with all.

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

2008-07-08T23:37:00.002+08:00

anyone who reads this, and you believe in a higher order, please pray for me, i fear i'll die from working too much. i fear i'll just knock out one of these days. at the rate i'm going i think i just might.

2008-07-06T20:08:00.002+08:00

I got this quote from Kung Fu Panda,

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

How true this is, but sometimes it's so hard to appreciate the present, and you know what you need to do tomorrow, the things that you will face, how then is it a mystery?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34"

If there are no troubles for today, can you then start worrying for tomorrow? Or rather, can today's troubles be the cause of tomorrows worries? If that's the case, can you worry like hell about it? That's exactly how I'm feeling now, my fears are real. They won't haunt me in my sleep, but they will definitely make sure I don't get to sleep as early as I should.

really dying

2008-07-02T23:20:00.003+08:00

Why do I have to do ah pui's job? I perfectly understand that you guys find him, for lack of a better word, inapt for his post. Does that mean that I have to do it? At the end of the day, you guys tell me what it is you want, then I tell him, and kind of make him agree to it. Sounds really dumb to me. I may know the works better than him, and I may know what's good and what's not, but is it right that I'm the one making those decisions? FYI, if you haven't already known, I'm but a full time national serviceman, and not a regular/dxo.

I don't mind doing what you all want me to do, but then who's going to do my work for me? Ah pui definitely not the one going to do so. I've got so many things on my plate, and I'm not the one dishing them out! Has it not occurred that apart from the lack of man power, there's also a lack of management??

There are 3 different major events now, if something happens to all 3, I definitely cannot split myself into 3. Another one is coming up, and you plan to take away my 2IC for that, then how to survive?

Although it may seem that we're the healthiest in terms of strength, but really, have you seen the problems that the strength is giving us? I don't seem to be able to be out of the office for 1 singular working day.

really dying.

2008-06-28T23:06:00.002+08:00

I really don't want to be complaining so much, but can I help it?

I'm not looking for pity from anyone, but I just need to vent my frustration on a singular individual that doesn't seem to understand that "Everyone needs a life."

Can somebody tell me why, what exactly is he trying to prove, and to who?? Everything he tries to make better just goes more wrong than it originally was. "Like that also can be in that position?!"

For crying out loud, how can he be constantly breaking "the principles and regulations established in a community by some authority and applicable to its people, whether in the form of legislation or of custom and policies recognized and enforced by judicial decision."; when he himself is the one sitting amongst the top few?

If now I write in to my big boss, what's going to happen to him? People have told me, "it's his career you're talking about," but he too destroys other peoples' career and life, and family values seem to be down played on his part, even religious values. I believe in what's right, I don't think I will be a tatter tale, but if that opportunity comes for someone else, I really hope that that someone would make full use of it. Just imagine, operating a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol, almost everyday, how many opportunities does that present to any one person.

No One Else Like YOu

2008-06-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

My heart glow for your love
My soul fell for your touch
There is no one like you God
There is none like you

There is no one else like You
There is no one miss I do
There is no one else like You
My God, my King
No one else

Nothing compares to you my God
No one could ever take your love away
You’re my King, my everything
Jesus

losing faith

2008-06-24T22:25:00.002+08:00

I'm losing faith in the organisation that I'm currently in, or rather, the things that have happened the past few days have affirmed my lack of faith in the organisation.

Everyone talks about the need for communication, however, someone passes on a message, and it gets cut off somewhere. Promises are made from one to the other, but doesn't get to the end where it's supposed to be met out.

There are those that are good to be there when they feel it's needed, but when they feel like they're not needed, they're playing their own cyber games, shooting arrows and firing rifles at other people. I need the support, yet all I get from every other place is negative remarks on the way you're working.

If there are so many inadequacies in the organisation, then how is it that although so heavily relied on by many many people, these many many people are still standing strong and free? Can it be that their facade of support is actually so solid that no one can see through it? Or is it that it's not a facade, but I'm the one that lacks the foresight to see how strong they really are?

Just over a year ago, I would have believed that millions of people are safe everyday as a result of the prowess of this organisation, in fact I did believe so. Yet now, no more than 400 days later, that belief, and faith that I held on quite strongly to seems to have dissipated to nothingness.

Being in the position I am, supposed to be a position of power. However I feel like I'm a pawn just doing what they require me to do, and not being able to make my own decisions. Even the decisions I make, are simple vetoed to something presumably better, yet a cause of more troubles.

Albeit all this, I'm thankful for some seniors above me that, unknowingly to them, are actually spurring me on. Thank you very much, although you all won't be reading this. I really hope to be able to have more interaction with these gentlemen, that I may learn more and gain hopefully find a stronger foothold unto which I might build my faith in the system once again.

God save the Queen!

Footprints

2008-06-22T22:28:00.001+08:00

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you."

Can't run away from your past

2008-06-22T22:15:00.002+08:00

You can't run away from your past. However you can choose to not let the past affect your future. Countless number of times have I told this to other people, but somehow I can't seem to make it so in my life. I seem to be a prisoner to my past. As much as I want to move on with everything in general, I don't seem to be doing so.

I don't mean that I'm not moving on, and just trying to deal with the past problems, but the past problems are affecting the way I am living my life, and dealing with the things/ways of life. I want to change my ways, and I know I can't do it alone. I just don't have time to get the help I need.

There I go again, not doing what I preach. Time is my own to make, I just need to want to do it. sigh

Lord take away the pain.

2008-06-22T00:20:00.003+08:00

I don't know what's wrong, but it's been so long, yet everyday I still think of everything. The other day I was thinking, was everything I bought worth anything, or were they merely things that would never last? Ever since it all started again, I've just been spending and spending, but I really never expected much in return. I don't regret spending all that I have, but I just wonder if I could have put the money to better use.

The thought of it all pains me to this day. When I said no, it hurt, and till now it still does. I don't know why it does so much. Maybe it's because there's something I want now that's not there. When I said no, I meant it, but I never thought things would be this way.

There can only be one such of you in the world, but it just doesn't feel that way. It feels like you're not even there. It feels like you're not living up to what you are. I know, there are others that you've gone through more with, but can't we try to go through as much?

I really feel like not trying anymore, but each time I feel this, I tell myself, 'just once more, just once more.'

They are far and few, and yet I seem to be losing them more and more each and every day.

2008-06-12T21:54:00.004+08:00

for the benefit of some.

i've decided that i will relinquish my LSA application. rather, since i cannot apply for it due to my inability of procuring a place in the big 3, i will have to reject my own application, which reminds me, i need to tell arc.

i will be studying at sim next year. i will apply in august for a place next year. i really hope to get a place in july 09, over a place in jan 09, coz i dont think i'm that ready to start school in jan. i need some time off for myself. although i may be working during that time off, but that's what i would really prefer.

if i get a place in july 09, i will possibly sign on for 6 months. might not be the best job available, but it's the best paying for now. whether or not i get it, really subject to quite a number of things. for now, it's what i'm prepared to do. time will tell whether i can actually do it or not. based on some conditions set by saf.

leader's camp 08

2008-06-10T22:44:00.003+08:00

leader's camp.

okie, i went there not as a leader, but rather just to serve behind my usual hiding place, the sound board.

feelings after the camp...

i honestly felt quite apart from everyone else, not being in a group and all, but the camp comm did make me feel welcome, though still apart.

i really tried to get back in touch with God, and i definitely did for the morning service on the 2nd day. but the rest of the time, was quite difficult. somehow just too many things running through my mind, but none that i can specifically pinpoint. things will improve! they must.

the camp comm did a fantastic job! kudos to jon cho, yi hui, glenn lee, jasmine tan, carissa toh, lee si, christabel, and not forgetting joachim. it was one of the most enjoyable camps, in terms of games, and the services. although apart from them, but seeing the leader's enjoying themselves that much, and having all the laughs about it, i felt good too.

my only serious expectation before going to camp, was to rest. not sure whether just physically or spiritually. i'm not sure how much of both i really got anyhow. but having the break from the normal routine of army life has definitely been a refresher. again i said, i tried to get there spiritually, but there was really just too many things hindering me, many issues that i need to settle with God, before i can fully engage with Him.

this is the gist of camp, and i must say that i do not regret going. i have definitely build closer relationships with some of the leaders, and i can only hope that those relationships, after making that turn, will not regress into nothingness again.

decisions decisions

2008-06-10T22:08:00.001+08:00

okie. i've decided. well, with very little choice to it i guess.

i will go to sim to do a bsc in economics and finance next year. i'll apply in august to see if i can get a place next july, as opposed to january. reason being i don't want to start school in january, i feel it's just too rush to start school then. whereas starting in july will give me a little bit more time to prepare myself.

i'm quite determined to make good of this. maybe said once too many times, but it's time to stop playing, and get serious.

2008-06-06T22:46:00.002+08:00

I conclude that May 08 has been the most suay month in my life, or rather I have to say it is so. It's not a conclusion, but a fact. I won't go into details of what has happened, but I can only say that I really hope life improves over the next few months.

frustration

2008-06-04T18:23:00.003+08:00

why? why does the hub exist. supposed to give less work for us all to do, in fact it gives more work. how idocy runs in the veins of the crabs. no doubt some decisions made are excellent, yet others are not the best.

Strike 3 and you're out

2008-05-25T02:18:00.002+08:00

I know I didn't have high hopes after 2 letters, but after receiving the 3rd today, I felt a bit sad. Rather you can say I'm feeling kind of disappointed. I'm really okie with getting into SIM, to me I think that's not a very big issue, but I guess to get into local university was probably a big thing for me. I will move on, but for now, still just disappointed.

2008-05-19T20:30:00.003+08:00

is making new friends a bad thing? at least that's what i'm feeling now. i don't resent new friends, in fact i'm always happy to make new friends. nothing beats making new friends.

maybe it's when i make new friends, i have a tendency to lose the older friends, those that i wasnt very close with, but we still shared something.

am i making the wrong choices when it comes to friends? not that the friends i make are bad company, but what i meant was, when it comes to prioritising them, am i making the wrong choices?

i don't feel that my friends don't last long, rather the old ones are just disappearing from my life. louelle said i'm a very 'in your zone kind of guy', which i think what started this friend losing thing. i have my own agenda when it comes to doing things. or at least when it comes to making 'dates' with friends. i like my time, and make my time mine, whatever free time i've got, i'd try to get people to go out then. most of the time it's over and above them asking me out.

i don't know. i'm quite lost writing this now. i think i'm not making a lot of sense, but the gist of the problem is there somewhere. i wanna make new friends, but i wanna keep the old friends all the same.

2008-05-18T19:48:00.002+08:00

okie. i'm putting this down here. one month without alcohol first. we'll move on from there. it's all in black and white now. it's expensive, and it's not good for my health.

i don't want to put myself in a position where i could possible be in trouble with the law. or where by my health becomes affected by the amounts i drink. i think it's also important that i don't leave myself open to what the devil might do.

i've stayed away from other things for long enough, and if i could those, i don't see why not i can pass on the alcohol. for all my drinking kakis, i have to apologise that we'd have to stay away from alcohol for a while. oh and those 21st that are coming up, looks like i'll be off the booze when i'm there.

be in my shoes, and you all would probably understand what i'm going through.

2008-05-11T14:27:00.002+08:00

respecting authority?

how does that apply to rank vs age? i understand the need to respect our elders, and in most cases, i do, but at the same time, how does it work when your elder is of a lower rank than you? i'm not sure how many people actually face this problem, would some just weigh the rank and forget the age, or completely respect the age and be eaten even by rank? i'm sure there are others out there who face this kind of thing, and i've seen some be such a heavy weight when in comes to rank, yet show little regard to the person's age. i havent really seen anyone being eaten despite the rank difference. oh Lord, i ask for discernment in this aspect. it's so difficult to handle them.

2008-05-09T17:01:00.002+08:00

I decided to change my blogskin yet again. Kinda because I screwed up the previous one by accident.

This week has been a rather sad week though. Just pray that everything will get better.

Nasir needs to wake up his idea, that's all I can really say.

2008-05-04T23:28:00.002+08:00

As much as life in the army sucks, I have to say, I cant feel sad about it. In fact, I'm happy, still, since I've returned. I'm blessed, though the reasons why don't happen very often, but I'm still blessed.

Today I went to my friend's 21st Birthday. She was from my primary school. There were others there too, and back then, we were like the coolest bunch of people to hang out with. We were funky. It was good seeing them, and how we've all grown up. Reminiscing about the past, catching up over the last 9 lost years. Was really good seeing them, and I really hope to see more of them in the future. If any of you are reading this, it was really good seeing you guys, or girls for that matter. =)

Brothers, it has been too long since we've met up. I'm really sorry that it seems to be always me that can never make it, that it seems to be always be that fly aeroplane. There's no other group of guys that I want more to hang out with. I'm more than happy to just sit and chill anywhere with you guys, but nowadays, I'm really reluctant to go club, which seems to be what you guys are always doing every week now, so we don't really hang out, and you guys don't really bother to call me anymore, knowing I'd say no. Without you guys, life would be really boring, and you all have been a real blessing to me. Poon, I still have your TP card, I just need your address! Let's meet up soon.

I'm constantly thinking of the people I've interacted with, especially the girls that have come and gone in my life. This might not be the best place to divulge my secrets, but I can only say that each of those that became close, has made a difference in my life. Each a different experience, teaching me a new thing. It's too late to regret the past, but I don't want to regret the future. I know I still talk to some of you, but others, maybe not, maybe it's awkward talking again after so long, but I would love to start talking to you all again. I can only leave the choice to you.

To my JC mates, I couldnt have asked for a better class. Though at times I was always moody, and PMSy, but till today, we've stuck together, and walked a long way with each other. I do hope that things don't get worst amongst us, but they get better, and the friendship we share will grow stronger and deeper in the coming years. I'm happy that till now, we still meet up and hang out, doing crazy and random things, like we always have.

For the friends that are not mentioned, I have not forgotten you, each of you too have made a difference in my life. There are things in the past that I shouldnt have said, and shouldnt have done, but it's too late to regret those things now, but I am sorry. I have taken many of you forgranted, and I want to make it up to you if and when I can, if you would just let me.

This may seem like a very emo post, but really, this is who I should have been many years ago. No regrets of my past, but don't want to regret my future. Seeing the relationships I have with many people, all of which could have been better, I don't want to live like this with people any longer, I want things to get better. I know that I can help me, but I need you all to help me too.

2008-04-29T23:38:00.003+08:00

I'm officially an uncle. at 0711, 29th Apr 2008, Josh Lu Jia Qing entered the world.

This 100th post is dedicated to him, my nephew. Happy Birth Day.

As much as a lot of stuff is happening around me, this is one of those good things that I don't mind happening. =)

Have a good life kid.

2008-04-20T22:49:00.002+08:00

sigh. decided to blog on this rather sensitive issue.

i hate hospitals. there seems to be so much pain and hurt, emptiness and loneliness when i go there. in the last 9 days, i've been there at least 3 times, both my grandparents are there, one then the other. my grandfather is out already though. my grandmother has been in since i was in thailand. only moving from ttsh to amk and now back to ttsh.

every time i went there, you really see the pain in the eyes of the people in there. especially the old and the uneducated. the loneliness they face for most of the day when no one is there for them. some calling out in their sleep for attention from sons or daughters that have abandoned them. or those that are simply just calling out for help from a soiled bed.

i can hardly talk to my grandmother. she speaks hokkien, or mandarin. the former i completely am clueless about, the latter i wont say i'm a master of it. and even then, she has hardly anything to talk about. even at her place, it's either about some tv series she always watching, or about army - and even then on the surface. i dont know how to reach out to her. people offer to pray for her, which nowadays she accepts the offers - even closing her eyes and all, but she never accepts Him for her. when i'm there at the hospital, i can only hold her arm and assure her with my touch. for her, when she's lying there in bed, i see emptiness in her eyes. especially when she's just lying there, and only i'm in the room, so hard to talk, to say anything to her, or vice versa.

with my grandfather, he can speak english, there's a bit more to talk about. but a lot of times he really is just spouting nonsense. although knowing i cant speak cantonese, he'll still shuffle in between english and cantonese, and mostly nonsense when it's cantonese. he too is a hard nut to crack, many people try to reach out to him, all my aunts friends and all, but also quite difficult.

sigh. for all who really dont know, and that actually makes all, talking about this makes me sad. please pray. not for me, but for my aunt. she's the only one looking after both of them, thankfully she's woken up and is finally getting a maid. i know she's crying a lot these days, and i feel really sad. i want to chip in, but camp doesnt really allow me to.

i know i can be happy the next time i go to the hospital. at least i hope so. between now and then, i pray that nothing happens. however i fear what happens after that. sigh.

2008-04-19T09:02:00.002+08:00

okie. it's not that i just realised what's going on in my life. just that for those that do not know, i'm changing. changing in more ways than one, and maybe you can say, i'm growing up. i guess it's really after the 21st that things started to change. some of the change has been rather drastic i must say. i mean with me going crazy a lot and all, and sometimes even the way i talk, or speak to some people, the decisions i make and the 'knowledge' i share, is seemingly better than what i used to be.

i think a number of factors contribute to this. one, possibly could be turning 21, some of you should try it when you hit the age. 2, when i was in thailand, dealing with different ages and different ranks has taught me quite a lot. the third would probably be that i know that i need to make better or so called more mature decisions, with new toys to play with and all - for those that still dont know, i've actually passed my driving already. didnt think that i'd need to tell the whole world about it, and i'm quite indifferent about driving in general. well, driving was the first that made me change really. knowing that the choices i make would endanger or protect the lives of people in the car, including myself. these are probably the 3 main reasons for change.

somehow i feel that some people arent taking the words i say seriously though. i guess it'll take a while to convince them of the change within me. time for yet another new change in my life i guess. please accept me for who i am, and who i am becoming.

one change i really want to see, is a closer walk with God. i'm not struggling to go back, it's more like i'm so concentrated with the changes, that i'm not really including Him in it all. i know i should, and i know i need to. i dont think it's about where i can start, i bet i know where i can, but i feel i need something big to bring about this change. i know i should be looking for it, yet be consciously aware of what God wants to do, and let Him lead. i just am not.

2008-04-16T21:31:00.002+08:00

I've never been to one of those 'huge' concerts where by the people are dancing and screaming and raising their hands in adoration and praise of the particular band that is playing.

When I went for 'We Will Rock You', it was the closest I got to the above mentioned.

I have been to a concert where people are dancing and screaming and raising the hands in adoration and praise to the God they believe in.

In comparison, since they were on consecutive days, I got to compare the difference. Boy, can I tell you how great the difference was. In terms of music, both were very rock based, with music from Queen, and music from Planetshakers, very similar, with thumping bass kick, heavy distortions, and crazy keyboardist. In terms of loudness, well, I was right in the front for 'We Will Rock You', and somewhere in the middle for Planetshakers, honestly, the difference is insignificant - both were equally loud, and clear at the same time. The atmosphere was the same on both days, with people dancing and screaming away to the likes of 'Killer Queen', 'Radio Ga Ga' and 'We are the Champions', as well as 'Free', 'Jump Around' and 'Mighty to Save'.

The only difference that I could see, the one that really made the difference, was the feeling and emotions that I felt. During 'We Will Rock You', I felt emptiness throughout the entire place. I felt lost, not knowing how to react to the singing and dancing. During Planetshakers, I was
at home with worshiping and praising, singing and dancing. The difference was so great that at the end of the musical, when everyone was standing up and singing along with the cast and band of 'We Will Rock You', I so much wanted to sit down. I decided that I didn't want to be a wet blanket, so I stood, and merely sang, under my breath - or at least out of eat shot, with everyone else.

I know I'll still continue to go for these musicals, if I've got the time or money, however, the emptiness is really something I won't be looking forward to, if for some reason I go for a musical and the music was that good.

2008-04-13T07:02:00.001+08:00

As promised, pictures of my birthday are here.
Thailand will be coming soon. =)

2008-04-12T22:16:00.002+08:00

It's better to be happy then to be sad.

We all know this already. I've known it for so many years, yet I've barely been able to achieve it for all those years. I am happy to say that I am now happy. It's unexplainable, but I know that it's a good thing, and people are happy that I'm happy. On top of that, I don't need a reason to be happy. I'd rather be happy, then bring all my unhappiness from camp for the world to see. lol

Apart from the usual facts that smiling uses less muscles than frowning, and laughter is the best medicine, and you live longer happier as opposed to being sad, I think the most important fact is that people around you are affected by it too. By expressing your happiness, people might deem you as weird or crazy, but I believe that they're weird to think that being happy is weird. haha

I'm a changed man, maybe it's the age, maybe it's just a new found joy. haha

2008-04-12T21:54:00.002+08:00

We Will Rock You rocked!

I caught it with Sarah and her two friends, and I must say, excellent! I haven't seen many musicals to compare this to another, but I must say that you should go watch it, it's worth the money. The music was definitely good, and the cast was world class. Catch it if you can.

Step Up 2 was good too. The dancing was incredible. I mean nothing beats street dancing, it's just about being yourself at that moment when the music is playing. I've always liked dance, it's a wonderful way to express how one is feeling. I guess to some extent 'dirty, raunchy' dancing may be unacceptable to some, but it still is an expression, and an art. Seriously, I'd be willing to pick up dance lessons, I just need the time, and probably someone to do it with me.

I guess this kind of infringes on my fast of 'world music', but can I say that tickets were bought before the fast was supposed to take place. Yeah, I could have sold it off and all, but put off a date with my cousin to celebrate her 18th, out of the question. Besides, don't think my cousin would have liked a stranger beside her. haha

What's with me and the arts. I may not dissect an art and read too much into it, but in the last 2 years, the arts have become a new interest for me. I'm not very good at expressing myself in the different art forms, but I wanna try. You won't catch me doodling or splashing paint all over the place, no idea what I'd do, but someday you all will see something.

Now, I honestly cannot wait for the Singapore Arts Festival to come to town. Anyone interested in joining me for some shows/events, let me know.

2008-04-08T00:36:00.002+08:00

You're going to be reading this, I'm quite sure of it.

Without a doubt, I had an excellent time. Thanks for dinner anyway - though it's not the first time someone has paid for my dinner, but it's different this time. It's not a family dinner, or a 'mentoring' dinner, so it's kind of a first that a friend has bought me dinner. So, it was special.

Today I made a new discovery, the respect I have for you as a friend and a girl is different from many others. It maybe really saddening for other people to be reading this, but the respect grows with age and understanding, age of the friendship, not age of you or me.

Anyway, apart from church friends, you're not the only one that I meet up with a few times a year. We're at an age where we've got our own separate agenda in life, with little or no similarities in our daily lives, so it's not always possible to meet up often.

I realised that I can be rather confusing when I talk. I can jump from one place to another, and talk about a certain topic, but go round and round in circles. This paragraph is a very good example of it.

Yes Janel, somehow it seems that I've found a new happiness after returning home from my trip, to which I have no explanations, neither do I know how long this will last. I dare say that apart from work, I'm happy with most things in life now. I am still looking for more though, but none that man can satisfy. Time will tell if true joy can be found by me.

I have decided that I'll take up the challenge of a month without MTV music. I don't think it's going to be very difficult, but I just wonder what's going to happen to the MTV music after the month is up. If you see me playing MTV music, it's only because of the figures. You'd understand if you were in my shoes.haha

toodles!

2008-04-04T03:14:00.002+08:00

this week has been the best time of my life. i don't know how i'm going to get back to army life.haha

the week has gone like this,
two movies on monday, 'the leap years' and 'an empress and her warriors'
one cycling outing on tuesday, with linda and cally, followed by botak jones in the evening with terrence
another movie on wednesday with daniel tan, 'the bucket list'. supper with marvin at simpang
a fourth movie on thurs with grace and huiying, 'untraceable', followed by dinner with perry and yunhong joining us, then there was karaoke, and supper at eighty-five

four days, four movies, lots of laughter, and lots of fun. only bad part is a nagging pain in my shoulders. oh might i add, four champions league matches in the comfort of my room.

this is the life. not that i want to live like this everyday, i'll probably just grow overly fat if this carries on. but once in a while, this really makes a good week long break.

anyway, about the four movies,
the leap years has the best singaporean acting i've ever seen, though according to janel, the plot is TOO idealistic.lol
an empress and her warriors, chinese war movie, some questions left unanswered, but overall it's worth watching at seven fifty rate.
the bucket list, five out of five for comedy and heartwarming story line. i'd pay ten for it if you'd ask to watch it with me.
untraceable, ultimate thriller of the year. although the ending was rather abrupt, and quite predictable, the story line is unmatchable, the prowess of the information technology age.

the week has been great, and i couldnt ask for more.

2008-03-30T15:29:00.002+08:00

It's the best birthday ever.

First the 40min chopper ride in Thailand.
Then the small surprise at the airport before coming home.
Then the huge surprise from everybody who was there.

Thanks everyone for making it happen.

Pictures will be up soon. If not here, then on facebook.lol till then. =D

2008-03-30T13:00:00.002+08:00

I'm back.

Here's last month's summary.

Day 01 - Flew by C-130 from PLAB to KPS in Thailand.
Day 02 - Took over vehicles in SYC.
Day 05 - Outfield for 3 days. Freezing my butt of every morning.
Day 09 - Weather becomes so hot even the fan gives off hot air.
Day 14 - The real deal starts for 08days.
Day 16 - I took my first chopper ride ever.
Day 22 - Encounter with a King Cobra.
Day 26 - Airborne.
Day 27 - Handing over vehicles.
Day 28 - RnR
Day 29 - To the airport.
Day 30 - HOME!

That's the brief of the month.

2008-02-27T16:22:00.002+08:00

snap out of it. no matter how much you think about it, nothing can really be done. it's not that some friendships are not meant to be, it's just that we've all grown up, and we've always seen things in a different light. so naturally we'd do everything differently with a different group of people.

i just wonder what are his views towards this friendship. it's not that it's non-existant, it's just not what i thought it would be since 10 years ago. if we were of marriageable age, would you become my brother out of obligation, or because as a friend, you really wanna be there to share that joy with me.

dude, this is how i'm feeling. as gay as it may sound, i guess at the end of the day i always thought we'd be better friends than we are now, seemingly like acquaintances.

2008-02-22T18:53:00.002+08:00

23rd - left hand drive orientation
24th - duty
25th - clear up work before i leave
26th - meeting with fm
27th - hopefully i can be on leave peacefully

i'm looking for rest over the next few days. not sure where it's going to come from.

the expected seems to be taking place, please surprise me.

2008-02-22T18:16:00.002+08:00

i used to dislike the super 4. i mean, it was just so common, and everyone mother's son was riding one. i dare say now that i can't live without one. as dangerous as it is, in and out of camp, and to and fro with my men and spec on their bikes, really brings me a lot closer to them, and to understand the dangers they face, or more like they bring for themselves.

i know my mum will never let me ride a bike in my life, as in on my own and not as a pillion rider. come to think of it, i wonder if she's really okie with me riding pillion. i understand the dangers of riding better now, that i've been zipping all over the place with them. i cant say i wont ride in the future, but i believe that if i were to ride, all that i've seen and experienced this last week, is all about exercising control.

super 4 here i come. some day.

2008-02-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

i decided to change my blog skin. it's been black for so many years, so decided to add some colour to it, now i wonder. haha

actually, i wanted to do something different to my blog. i added people's birthdays to the blog. it's my reference and i guess if your friend is on that list, and you either never knew or don't remember, take time out to remember him/her on that special day. you never know who's day you'll make. if i missed you out, it's either you never told me/i never asked, or it completely slipped my mind when i was doing this. i'll be more than willing to add you up to that list if you'd like. just tag it.

i'm flying charlie to thailand. i was very shocked to find out. it's the most uncomfortable, and the noisiest plane ride you can ever take, and i am going to! it's going to be longer than a commercial flight, which makes it even more unbearable. my only consolation is that it's going to be an experience, and how many nsfs actually get that chance to fly charlie. birthday in thailand, and now flying there by charlie. can it get any worse?

2008-02-17T23:43:00.002+08:00

havent been here in a while. shall try to fill in what's missing.

the lunar new year was really good. at least bainianing with friends was really good as always.

over an hour of blind kids trying to catch everyone else.
reminiscing about the past years.
2 hours of running along lanes, bumping into cars, and flying into walls.
good food, good company.

i can ask for nothing more from them.

well, camp celebrations was quite disappointing though. sometimes i feel like blaming it on a certain muslim individual, yet at the same time, i guess everyone has a part to play if something wants to be done.

oh, after reunion dinner, i went to timbre with cheryl and louelle. fantastic time. great music, great company, and a great time. i know, very vague descriptions of what happened, but what can i say? 2 beers and a jager bomb. and eic to top it all off. what more can i say, and what more can i ask for.

we hit timbre again on the 16th, this time for the goodfellas. well, eic was definitely better, but there was pizza this time. nothing beats pizza at timbre.lol cheryl is gone now, back to melbourne. i do see more timbre sessions coming though.

then there was valentine's day. nothing much to add for that. dinner with 4 other members of ne cell, for joylynn's birthday, at botak jones. excellent beef man. well, it was good for 'food court' kinda beef, and the price was a lot lower than what you'd get at billy bombers or the likes, but quality was as good, if not better. haha

then, the day after valentine's was xiuz 21st. nice jazz cafe near arab street. dinner before that with mum at phin's steakhouse. more beef, and really good beef at that. haha and 3 beers in a night. xiuz had like the whole world there man. well, a lot of people came la. although i myself formed the 4th group or people that was there, i must say that i had a good time.haha the music was good, i must say that the girl who was singing was good. not really fantastic, but by singaporean standards, she was doing justice to the song. it's very difficult to sing jazz, but she pulled it off well enough that it was good.

i'm trying to work on the beer/alcohol thing. it's like second nature to drink. i know, it's prob quite bad to some people, and maybe even for myself, but i take pride in the fact that i can hold my liquor well. in previous occasions, the amount i would drink in a night would be about 4 to 5 times what i'm doing now. i just dont see the need to drink so much and push my levels to as close to wasted as i can get. burns holes in my pockets, and one day in my liver.haha so i'm cutting down, at least i have by a lot now.

i'm giving up. i'm not as sad anymore. it's just that i dont wanna think about it anymore. i'm just happy we're still friends. and it's good that we still are. i know you're reading this somehow. i still wanna hang out before i leave, but as always, i never know when you're free, so tell me, coz i'm free more often than you are.

2008-02-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

After last week, I finally know that you're really a girl.

The things that every girl wants to see and hear, you too want it.

I guess I took that for granted.

Going to do better from now on.

Don't mind me, but as unbelievable as it sounds, I don't know what to do.

2008-01-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

i watched two movies today. the mist, and 27 dresses.

do NOT watch the mist. it's the dumbest show i've seen in my entire life.

let me tell you the story. (this may be a spoiler to you, but it's really so you wont watch it)

the mist is caused by an alien invasion.
a group of people are trapped in a supermarket.
they fight a few sets of aliens in a few scenes.
as a result, people die.
there's a crazy woman who preaches blasphemously from the bible.
the main character and 7 others decide that "better to die trying to escape than in here"
they make a run for the main's truck 3 die on the way.
the remaining 5, including the main and his son drive off.
they've traveled very far from the supermarket.
into the next state.
there's still mist all over.
the truck runs out of fuel.
the 5 think the world is gone.
they decide that the best way to not suffer is to commit suicide.
1 pistol, 4 rounds, 5 lives.
the main shoots the other 4.
steps outside to give himself to the aliens.
the army rolls by
in tanks and trucks and weapons that will kill.
the mist disappears.
the world survives.
the end.
oh and of course the main is still alive with 4 willing sacrifices in his truck.

i walked out even before the show came to an official end.
and i've never done that before.

watch 27 dresses, you can never go wrong with a chick flick.

but as always, chick flicks can never be real la.*spoiler alert*

you be in love with someone for the last 5-10 years and fall in love with someone the next day.

2008-01-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

Two nights ago I had a dream.

It was simply beautiful.

Just you and me, out.
Walking hand in hand.
Enjoying every moment of it.

It felt so real.

But, it was still only a dream.

2008-01-13T18:28:00.000+08:00

They never saw it coming

Stopped by a policewoman in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a driver tried to talk her out of giving him a traffic ticket. When that strategy failed, the man impulsively kissed the cop. That failed too. He still got the ticket.

The policewoman filed a complaint with the city about the unwanted affection. She got no satisfaction when the city prosecutor told her, "Being kissed is an occupational hazard of police work."

2008-01-05T00:20:00.000+08:00

$100 a barrel, $100 a barrel. This has been in the news on and on and on, and factors causing it are, low stock piles, weak us $, violence in nigeria.

for crying out loud, why the hell is there a need to have such fears, the world is doing fine with the prices at $50 a barrel, there were all those fears back then, save weak us $. bloody oil traders, bagging all the money and causing the prices to go up.

i'm complaining not because i'm paying for petrol, but i'm paying for every other damn thing that is related to oil. either a product of oil or as a result of a by product during the use of oil. there's nothing that anyone can do. but what's the point of pushing up the prices, the only thing that does now is put money in their pocket, but in the future, the money will be flowing out either as fast or if not faster then it goes in.

just my 2 cents. not a very strong argument, but still just my 2 cents

2008-01-05T00:08:00.000+08:00

it's always nice to see old faces. though been out of contact for almost a thousand years, but just seeing old faces is always nice.

anyway, i'm sorry, not for what i said, but having you to be on the other end of me saying it. i know, sometimes i can be a small kid, or maybe all the time but i also know that how i behave doesnt change a thing.

dont hate me, i'm still who you know me to be. just that sometimes i have moments, so i get emo, in a nice way.

2007-12-29T12:52:00.001+08:00

European English:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in t he sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl !!

2007-12-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

i gave you up. it was the right thing to do. i knew that it was based on us just spending too much time together. i can't help but think sometimes. i don't want something to happen again, we've moved on. maybe not entirely, but it's for the best. i wouldn't want to have things any other way now. thanks though it's always nice to be in company.

2007-12-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

I feel damn good now. There's no other thing that can make me feel the way i am.

I'm sorry the chatterbox is down. Don't have time to do something about it, and besides, no one tags.haha

2007-12-09T00:58:00.000+08:00

life feels so much better when it's all slowed down and you're just looking around you and appreciating the works of others.

after the break today, i feel i can take on the world again!

Military Rank Status : Officer

2007-11-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Military Rank Status : Officer

Is it deserved? Looking at the people there, I really wonder. I can be no judge, but I feel that the standard could be a lot higher, except that it isn't. Even for myself, over the last 21 weeks, more could have been done. I guess for now, it's the next 10months that's really going to count.

2007-11-09T08:18:00.000+08:00

By order of bff, I am to blog. I apologise for the lack of entires, although no one really reads anyway.

37 days to commissioning! As a result, life in camp is a lot slower than it used to be. It's all good though, but I'm bogged down with a lot of work to do, and I'm trying very hard to even start on them. Just have no idea where I should start.

Time is what I need, but I really lack now.

2007-10-28T17:19:00.000+08:00

2 and a half years ago, life was completely different, there was no such commitments on my part. Then I decided to offer my time for the greater good. once a week, sometimes even twice, for two to four hours each time, I'd sit there to ensure that the future generations will be left with better knowledge and understand about what they would face on a yearly basis.

You'd never find another such me anywhere, always late, never failing to raid the fridge and eat up all the chocolates, reading the papers while you sat there doing your work, I remember even falling asleep for brief moments a few times. You never minded, you just sat there and did what you had to do. The countless times math wasn't the only thing we talked about, from God to girls and boy(s), and the hardships of life. Who in blazes is paid to do such things!

Now, the final stretch, the last 2 papers where I am concerned. The baby sitting is finally over. A sigh of relief, that you've made it through alive, with battle scars and minor setbacks here and there. The result will come, and you will be triumphant over it.

Thanks for that opportunity, I know I'll never find another one like you. You've made it fun and enjoyable to teach. Now, I am your teacher no more, but as your friend, in times of dire need I'm here. Just that phone call away. =)

2007-10-22T00:20:00.000+08:00

Finally going to blog about Taiwan. Won't be going into much detail though.

Training there wasn't as tough as I thought it would be, in fact, I honestly believe that everything that we did there could have been done in Singapore. The terrain is definitely different, a lot more knolls, and a lot more area to travel, so it did give another perspective to our training, but still, a lot of it could have been done at home.

The weather was great. The scenery was great. Things you don't get to experience here. RnR was the best part of course. 4.5G roller coasters, and tons of shopping, not to forget all the glorious and sinful food there. The 3 days of RnR wasn't enough, but to make up for the 18days of training, I guess one can't complain. Pictures will be up somewhere when I've got the time.

2007-10-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

I absolutely love this song. Okie, granted I don't understand a word she's singing, but it's not the lyrics, but the way she sings it. Kudos man, the power in her singing, unmatched so far.

2007-09-23T19:24:00.000+08:00

Bye people. 3 long weeks, 21 long days. Someone knock me down now, or give me dengue, I somehow just don't want to go anymore!! DAMN! Man U v Chelsea tonight!! GRRRR!!!!

Thanks! Today was really great fun. =) I never thought you'd be one for Daytona, but of course everyday is a new discovery. =P You can have your revenge when I return, this time maybe on more unequal terms.haha

If anyone would like to mail me while I'm gone, the address should look like this,

OCT Charles You,
Taiwan, Taiwan

HAHA bye people. miss me, for I'll definitely be missing you guys!

2007-09-22T11:52:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I have decided to ban myself from clubbing. Timbre and the likes are still a go, but Zouk and MOS and the likes are out of the question. It's going to save me a lot of money now, and in the future.

On top of that, from now, I'm going to be less liberal with my money. Saving money is important, but saving more than what I usually do is about necessary spending. Not going to be 'niao', but should really spend on what's needed and not entirely on what's wanted.

I've come to realise that a $5 or less dinner fills my stomach the same as a $10 or more dinner would. It's called necessary spending. Besides, it means I'll be eating less and healthier. So maybe by the end of next year, there will be a healthier and happier me. =)

All this is done for more reasons than one. It's about morals, the people whom I love, myself, it's about you who's reading this. I give anyone who reads this, full permission to reprimand me, if I'm seen to be flouting any of the above mentioned.

2007-09-21T15:13:00.000+08:00

I was a fool! Plain lazy. Laziness always hurt somebody, but I hope it didn't hurt you.

I don't want to be reading too much into what other people say or do, I've learnt that it's very dangerous to do so. Only time will tell if what has been said is as true to how I infer it.

This week has been a rather waste of my time. I've got a driving license already, but it only allows me to drive class 3 military vehicles. That's probably the only good thing that's happened so far. The rest of the week, I was doing close to nothing at the driving circuit. So, was quite disappointed la. Was supposed to have Off today, but all those that passed early had to stay back in camp, at least we got to book out early. Still sore about it though.

Going away going away, still feeling two ways about going. It's a good thing and a bad thing. Going to miss home, but I know I'm going there to have fun, and training will be fulfilling, I hope.

I know this is late, but If I thought I knew, would you tell me?

2007-09-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

Ms Yang wants me to blog. I shall, not because she wants to, but because it was a fantastically fun night, and sharing joy always brings joy to others. The best part was definitely the ride to town. Kudos to Ms Yang for her high beamed, fast pick up, and jerky stops, but very smooth ride. The drinks and the music, and all those dirty little secrets, made things all so much more fun. I'm definitely looking forward to the next session. Hopefully the stopping will become a lot smoother.haha

Note to all, I'm going to Taiwan from 24th Sep to 15 Oct. If you desire anything from there, please sms me, and I'll do my utmost best to obtain your desired item, no promises though, my mandarin is so bad that I'm worried that what I get will end up being something else. haha Please miss me, and pray for me while I'm gone. 4 x 4days of back to back outfields, going to be a rough 3 weeks, but the RnR should most definitely be a good time.

Friday's a date, whatever the circumstances, let's meet up then, would be great to meet up before I leave. =)

2007-09-08T06:56:00.000+08:00

In a world where I was once accepted by many, and friends and contacts seemed endless, the change of having them disappear from my life is somewhat disturbing. Could it be, that I'm the one that's running from them, or, it was just an illusion of the past, where I've always been on my own, fighting hard to keep those contacts endless...

2007-09-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

disappearing.

going through another of those times again.

2007-08-25T01:29:00.000+08:00

Every ordinary person, in their own small way, can turn on a small light, in a dark world.

2007-08-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

Oh my! I was labeled a serial clubber by a friend. It sounds wrong, but sadly, I think it's quite true. I should stop, I need to stop. Everyone, make sure I've got an appointment of sorts in the morning of a weekend yeah, it's got to be important enough so that I've to be home early get my rest.

I think I'd rather be labeled serial movie buff. It's cheaper, and a lot more times more entertaining. Oh well, I shall try hard.

Jerome, you #@!*%!&@#!*@#! Think you damn big shot eh!? LTA so what?! Bastard! Good for nothing man, really wonder how you ever got your bar, just like how I wonder so many of them are going to get bars. It's no wonder your girl dumped you. I'm being nice here already.

2007-08-05T10:10:00.000+08:00

I don't hate you, I did for a while, but I realised that I couldn't. It's just that I can't understand how you can just walk away like that as if nothing happened.

I guess what we put in amounted to very different things, and our objectives were somewhat different. I don't know how much you put in, but here's what I put in, I wanted to stop playing around and just settle down. Maybe I tried too hard, and I guess I was just too naive. All I know is that you took that away from me, and now I'm just trying to get it all back together.

Before last night, all was going well. Or maybe not, maybe I was just pushing you away to one side, and not really dealing with the issue. I know really need to move on, looks like I just need to work harder this time around.

2007-08-05T03:54:00.001+08:00

It took you a mere 5 seconds to undo what I've been working at for the last 5 weeks!

Freaks of Nature or Wonders of God?

2007-07-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

2007-07-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

Back!

Not sure if I want to talk so much about Brunei. Guess I will for a bit. For one, the weather there is a killer. There was so much talk about the rain there, but it only rained the morning we were going to leave! The weather is like mother hot! Although I must add that when there's a breeze, it is really cooling, and under the shade, although can be a wee bit warm at times, most of the time it's very cooling.So there was plenty of clear skies throughout the time there, but the sky is so clear that at night you cant see stars. It gets dark by 1930, pitch black, till the moon is at it's peak.

There was a lot of free time spent doing nothing, or sleeping, or punishments. Was quite bad at times, so much so that I wanted to come home. I didn't miss home, just didn't like that place enough to want to stay there any longer.

Okie, enough about Brunei. If you all really would like to know more, just ask me about it.

Transformers is orgasmic! I'd watch it again and again anytime! GV Gold Class is way worth it.
Harry Potter sadly ain't that great. Go watch to find out yourself, just don't pay more than $8.5 for it.

2007-07-01T13:08:00.000+08:00

The last 4 weeks have been good.

Week 1 - First week in OCS, culture shock. People there really friendly, and very open.readily accepted into their family. Instructors will readily teach what we didn't know, rather than punish us first.

Week 2 - Platoon field camp. 3 days was spent digging and defensive operations, and covering up our holes. Mentally challenging. Glad I made it through, been brought to a higher level of tolerence.

Week 3 - Platoon live firing. Firing the GPMG was euphoric man. Just squeezing off all the rounds at one go. Went high and hit the roof. Thankfully I managed to do my night shoot before exercise was cut due to the presence of a forest fire. Stupid sierra wing. I got my IPPT gold!!

Week 4 - The best week of the 4. 23km march, which I kenged and didn't walk. Social night, which wasn't that bad, but it was the company that made it good. Thanks bff! =D
Y Camp 2007 was the biggest highlight. Been a long time since I've worked with I, Camper, and I am very glad that I went for the camp. It was an avenue for me to do the things I enjoy, to interact with people, and pass on skills and knowledge. Working with special people again was good, enriching to be more exact. Just too bad I cant put up photos here, privacy sake la. The things some of them achieved, amazing. At the end of camp, the strongest and biggest of men cried. The wonders of God and how He uses 2 people to touch each others lives in different ways, over the same period of time, doing the same things.

Well, that's a short summary of the last 4 weeks. Tonight, I'll be flying off to Brunei for SOCJOT, whatever it stands for. Will be back on the 11th, miss me, pray for me. =)

2007-06-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

5 months are almost over. Army has made me very busy. Constantly catching up on sleep over the weekends. Now, life's going to be a lot busier.

With pride I leave SISPEC! I guess SISPEC wasn't that bad a place after all. In fact It's been so good that kinda reluctant to leave in some sense. It's been my best experience serving NS thus far. There's more to come, 1 and a half years to be exact, and the next 6 months will probably be the craziest time of my life. I haven't really told that many people yet, but I'm crossing over to OCS on Monday. It has always been the place I've wanted to go, and now I am heading there.

"Hold the SISPEC flag high!" Time and time again, all my commanders, have said it. I feel pressured to perform. I will perform at the top, as I have in SISPEC, but only time will tell how well I survive.

2007-05-21T11:15:00.000+08:00

I'm at the MO now. Not sure if I'm allowed to be blogging, but I shall just take a short while to blog.

Field camps are all over now. Came back from the last one with a really bad abrasion. Oh well, that's as bad as the scars one can get in the army.

Life's pretty mundane in the army. Always the same old same old things going on. Even now that I try to inject some kind of life outside of NS, it's really difficult when it's a one sided thing. I can't really complain so much about it, I'm trying very very very hard to be as understanding as I can. Some of my friends can't help but complain when I complain, but there's only so much I can do. Just wonder how long this can carry on.

Alright, shall just leave for now. Don't want to be charged for improper use of army items.